Hello again everyone! Today I am another stop on this blog tour. I had the opening stop, so You can go HERE to enter for the giveaway and see the first post, which has my character interview with the main character, Kathleen. Today’s stop will be my review, and an excerpt of the book. Enjoy!! First, you can click on the banner above to take you to the tour host blog for the print giveaway. And the cover below will take you to goodreads. Here’s the book info and excerpt first.
My mom’s a liar.
What parents aren’t, right? They tell their kids lies about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. Even the Boogeyman who crouches in the shadows beneath beds has his legend whispered into the ears of young green bean-haters.
I wished my mom would use her power of deception for good. For one, I wouldn’t have to chase down people in the dark, braving the muggers and would-be rapists who lurk in the bushes on my street.
If she’d told the boy who came knocking I was upstairs in my room, then we could have had a quick—though unlikely civil—conversation on the front porch. Instead, she told him I was out with another boy.
And she didn’t just tell this to anyone. No, of course not. She told this to Josh Colby.
It was the equivalent of having some celebrity knock on your door after their car broke down. Except, as far as celebrities go, Josh’s status didn’t reach beyond the doors of our high school. We’d known each other for the many years of our educational careers, and mostly succeeded with our mutual effort to avoid speaking to one another.
Mocking doesn’t count.
I was too lazy to run for more than a block. To scream seemed an easier solution. When a male voice called back, I smiled at my small victory of intelligence over physical prowess.
He sounded close, within a block or so, but I couldn’t see him. The sliver of moon lacked radiance as it was smothered by dark clouds, but the streetlights were enough to confirm there was no silhouette of him on the sidewalk. He must have cut through a neighbor’s yard to head back to his house on the next street over.
“What did you want?” I winced at the sudden, sharp brilliance of lightning. Spots did flip-flops against the stretched shadows on the grass as my vision tried to recover. The scent of ozone carried on the cool breeze blended with that of a fresh cut lawn.
“That you, Elchubba?”
Elchubba is not my name. Not even close. Not that many of the kids at my school cared, and several might even be shocked to discover my real name was Kathleen. Not Kathy. Definitely not Elchubba. To my eternal frustration, I won that clever little nickname in junior high. Mostly because Ryan Dixon is a jerk, but also because I was horizontally challenged and usually clad in black from hair strand-to-toenail polish. It’s to do with Elvira. Lame, I know.
I just hoped Josh hadn’t asked my mother if Elchubba was home. I wouldn’t put it past him. Instead of correcting him, I turned on my heel and headed home. I didn’t answer him on principle.
My house was still a sadistic distance from me when I heard Josh stumble through some bushes near the sidewalk behind me. Oh, heavy black boots, how you’ve failed me again.
He mumbled a curse behind me after the distinct sound of his rubber soles tripping over a crack in the sidewalk. I didn’t slow down. Maybe he would follow me all the way back to my front door so I could slam it in his face.
He outpaced me to step into my path. I considered knocking him on his boney ass. I had the weight and momentum to do it. A whiff of whatever cheap, man-scent product he used to attract girls assaulted my nose. It reminded me of dish soap and burnt popcorn.
“Please, would you just stop?” Josh said.
“Fine. What do you want?”
A car horn blared a few blocks away, followed by the squeal of tires. Josh glanced around like a super-secret spy.
My response was an eye roll and crossed arms. If he didn’t want to be seen talking to me, then he shouldn’t have answered me. For that matter, he shouldn’t have come over.
Josh said, “I need you to do me a favor.”
The laugh that escaped me sounded more maniacal than I expected. “You’re high.”
Great. I wound up chasing a boy I hated down the street to do a favor for him. It was not the pinnacle of my existence. At least I hope not.
“No, I’m serious.” Josh leaned closer and dropped his voice. “I’ll pay you.”
“Then it’s not a favor. It’s a business proposition,” I said. “If you’re going to pay me for services—of the non-prostitutional variety—then it’s a business arrangement, not a favor. A favor I’d do for free.”
The hopeful look that passed his face prompted me to add, “For friends, not for you.”
“Okay, whatever.” Josh fished in a pocket of his too-baggy jeans and pulled out a folded bill. It was too dark for me to see which president. He smiled, his teeth a perfect picket fence of glaring white. “I want you to write a letter for me.”
My eyebrows lifted without my permission. “A letter? To who?” I didn’t ask why me. I was editor for the school paper and wrote for the quarterly lit magazine.
“I’m not telling you unless you agree to do it.”
My eyes narrowed. “I’m not going to be suckered into writing a bomb threat or some stalker letter to a model you masturbate to.”
“No, no. It’s nothing like that.” Josh slouched and lowered the hand which held the bill to his side. “I was watching some old movie on TV tonight, and it got me thinking—”
“I’m serious, stop it. Well, this guy writes letters for a girl, but they’re from another guy who likes her.”
“You watched Cyrano de Bergerac?”
“Who? No, it was Roxy or Roseanne or something.”
“Roxanne?” I shook my head. “You were inspired by Steve Martin. Of course. You noticed that didn’t end well for the one guy, right?”
“Well, yeah. But that’s because the guy writing the letters steals her away. That won’t happen with us because you’re a girl. I mean, unless you’re a lezbo.”
My frown was so deep, my brows nearly touched. “How politically correct of you.”
“Oh. . . you mean you are?” He stepped away as if he’d just realized I was Typhoid Mary.
I was offended on behalf of sexual libertines everywhere. “Yes, and we’re highly contagious. You better leave before you start wanting love letters for Ryan instead of whichever girl gets your mangina tingling.”
For the record, I’m not a lesbian, but I didn’t care what he thought.
“Well, she’s not,” Josh said. “So it wouldn’t matter if you liked her or not.” He lifted up the bill again. “I’ll give you twenty dollars to write a letter that a girl would like, and make it sound like me.”
I chuckled. “Those two concepts don’t mesh.”
“Just take it, all right?”
“No, I’m pretty sure my morals exclude this . . . escapade of falsehood.”
“What? Jesus, why can’t you talk like other people?”
“My intellect prevents it, sadly.” My wry smile belied any regret.
“No, you just like being freaky little Elchubba,” he shot back. “Only not so little.” He glared at me as he stuffed the money back in his pocket, and then strode away in a huff.
He couldn’t have been more wrong. I didn’t like being Elchubba at all. I didn’t like being called that, I didn’t like being overweight, and I didn’t like that I had to go back into my house and explain to Darth Mother who Josh was and why I chased him down the street.
Sometimes, I feel like life is trying to swallow me whole. I do my best to flail about and get caught in its throat. More than once I’ve been sure I was hanging onto life’s uvula by my fingernails. Which, of course, just tickles life’s throat until it coughs me back out.
God, I’m tired of being coated in life’s phlegm.
But my curiosity was piqued. What girl could Josh possibly think was worth all this trouble?
Sounds so interesting right… Well, here’s my thought on how I feel…
Ok this is a oddly weird but enjoyable book. First, I completely understand Kathleen. She’s cute but chubby, so she has some issues in high school. I can’t relate to her on the parent issue though, I had a great mom and she has horrible ones. I like the characters, and the story is very interesting but I did feel there could have been a little bit more in the climax. The story builds very well and the climax happens and it’s all over. Now let me make clear that I’m not saying this story isn’t well written or it’s a bad story. I did NOT have trouble getting through it, or find it boring, just a lil sumtin more could be there.
Now with that said, I really like Kathleen. I completely feel her food habit- I have one of my own lol- but I live in south Louisiana Cajun country, so everyone here does 🙂 when her mother-evil- takes away all edible food and leave veggies and cardboard, she takes a payoff for writing a letter for a boy she doesn’t like to a girl she hates and they are both friend with her arch enemy. Hehhe so high school, eh!
I like the mystery part. Trying to figure out who did what to whom was what really kept me interested. Her mom goes missing, her arch enemy attacks her then shows up dead, she finds out mind blowing info about her parents and the big whopper of a lie they’ve told her, and to top it off, a talking albino skunk is making her insane.
The part I felt missing is this, I’m all about the “why”. Ya know, vampires and werewolves hate each other because….. Well, all these actions lead to this conclusion because… I didn’t like that explanation. Lol yes I know, I didn’t write the book, so I shouldn’t get to pick the “why” it happened. I DID like how it unfolded, and even the conclusion, so please don’t NOT read this book because I’ve said I didn’t like the “why”. If this book continued into a series, I would still pick up book 2 cuz I did like it. There’s many good things about this book which is why I’m not giving it a bad rating. I actually hope it does continue. I’m glad how things turned out for Kathleen, Aka and Josh and I’m not at all sorry about her mom nor her dad! 🙂 so now you can add this book to your huge TBR pile 🙂
Here’s a little about the author!
Christi was born in Arlington, Texas in the early seventies. Her earliest memories are of seeing Jaws and Star Trek: The Motion Picture in the theater. The first was a bit much for a pre-K kid to take, and the second has much to do with what has inspired her imagination. Her father is a bit of nomad, and they moved a lot when she was a kid. She inherited this trait, and has lived many places and been just about everywhere in America. She hit puberty in Colorado, got married in Las Vegas, had her first child in Kansas, her second in Illinois. She returned to Texas just shy of turning thirty and has been there ever since. Books are Christi’s first love, followed closely by movies. She loves to be told stories, and for most of her literate life, she’s been a storyteller as well. Christi is in her thirties, a mother of two awesome teenage girls, and a geek on many levels. Comic books, Victorian manga, science fiction, fantasy, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, Star Wars, and renaissance festivals are her greatest loves. She lives in Waco, Texas (keep Waco Whacko) with her family and lovable dog, Nelly. She has a cat named Snape who is black, full of bad attitude, and thinks he runs the place. He was deftly named.
Where to find Christi:
I would like to thank Dark Mind Book Tours, Christi Goddard, and all of you who participated with me in this blog tour. It’s always a blast! 🙂 You can also leave another comment on this post for an additional entry to the giveaway. That is, if you already left a comment on the first post. If you are leaving a comment only on here, then you’ll just get one entry. The giveaway for me is throughout the tour duration, so you still have a couple of days to enter. 🙂 Good luck, and happy reading my gators! 🙂